Humorous Quotes

"I must go to the window and get some air. Shall I jump out? No; it disfigures one so, and the coroner's inquest lets so many people see it." ~ Armadale by Wilkie Collins In all the thousands of times I have asked other people for advice, I never yet got the advice I wanted. ~ Armadale by Wilkie Collins I have noticed that the Christianity of a certain class of respectable people begins when they open their prayer-books at eleven o'clock on Sunday morning, and ends when they shut them up again at one o'clock on Sunday afternoon. Nothing so astonishes and insults Christians of this sort as reminding them of their Christianity on a week-day. ~ Armadale by Wilkie Collins "She's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need." ~ The Adventures of Sally by P. G. Wodehouse The outhouse was so overmodestly masked with vines and lattice that it was not concealed at all. ~ Main Street by Sinclair Lewis His entire system of theology was comprised in the Bible, which he never read, and the Methodist Church, which he rarely attended. ~ The Job by Sinclair Lewis Nature has given us two ears, but only one mouth. ~ Henrietta Temple by Benjamin Disraeli I wish I were not quite so lonely—and so poor. And yet I love both my loneliness and my poverty. The former makes me appreciate the companionship of the wind and rain, while the latter preserves my liver and prevents me wasting time in dancing attendance upon women. ~ The Listener by Algernon Blackwood Nature, when planning this sterling fellow, shoved in a lot more lower jaw than was absolutely necessary and made the eyes a bit too keen and piercing for one who was neither an Empire builder nor a traffic policeman. ~ Right Ho, Jeeves by P. G. Wodehouse The discovery of a toy duck in the soap dish, presumably the property of some former juvenile visitor, contributed not a little to this new and happier frame of mind. What with one thing and another, I hadn't played with toy ducks in my bath for years, and I found the novel experience most invigorating. For the benefit of those interested, I may mention that if you shove the thing under the surface with the sponge and then let it go, it shoots out of the water in a manner calculated to divert the most careworn. ~ Right Ho, Jeeves by P. G. Wodehouse